The Post-Valentine Progression
by TrainsAreCool
Summary: Starts Feb 15th and goes on from there. Possibly OC & AU as I'm behind with the show. Apologies for any spoilers, they're unintentional.
1. Chapter 1

**The Post-Valentine Progression**

Starts from February 15th and goes on from there. OC and AU, as I'm behind with the show. Apologies for any spoilers, they're unintentional.

I own nothing in respect of TBBT.

**Saturday 15th February 2014**

_Frankly nothing these two do surprises me any more _thought Sheldon as he took in the scene of Leonard in his bathrobe surrounded by mangled metal.

"Leonard, I know there's a good deal of this 'couples thing' I don't understand but is there any reason why you're in my apartment at six thirty-seven a.m destroying my paper clips?"

Leonard looked up, sucking his finger. "Iff doo doo - "

"Never mind, I'll wait until you've applied appropriate dressings."

Penny rushed back into 4A, carrying Band-Aids and a Luke Skywalker figure. "Hey sweetie - oh hi Sheldon -, I think this'd be a better idea - " She dressed Leonard's finger, kissing it better when she finished. Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Are you two able to manage _anything_ without a PDA?"

"Umm ... I'm gonna go with 'no'," snickered Penny as Leonard grinned.

"Sorry Sheldon, it was urgent, and as I still have my key - "

" - you thought you'd commit larceny in my stationary drawer. Those are all counted by the way, and why can't you use those psychedelic objects that you pilfer from the university?"

"We tried, those things are tough." winced Leonard as his finger throbbed.

"Anyway, the silver ones'll look better." said Penny, turning back to the desk and starting to bend a paperclip around the young Jedi's head. Sheldon watched a moment.

"You're making a halo for what is rather an inferior collectible? Shouldn't it sit higher?"

"Sweetie, it's not a halo." said Penny, starting on the second piece. "Here's the thing Sheldon, we had our Valentine's Day dinner at home - " stuttered Leonard.

"I know - at one stage I thought of calling the Fire Department. The differential between well-done and burnt should be obvious."

They both ignored him. "Anyway, this morning while we were laying in bed - "

" I asked Leonard to marry me! And he said yes!" she squeaked, hugging him tight. "I know you wanted to be swept off your feet sweetie, but it felt right."

"Well, I was off my feet, so it's kind of the same." he smiled at her. Sheldon pondered this a moment.

"You're engaged? Well, I understand that non-optional congratulations are in order under these circumstances. Would a gravy boat be a suitable wedding gift or would you prefer a spaghetti strainer - engraved of course."

"Thank you sweetie, the gravy boat will do fine." said Penny, twisting the metal piece. "Okay, these're done." Sheldon watched as they faced each other and gently slid their 'rings' onto their left hands. After that he had taken an interest in the light fitting while they verbally expressed their adoration and engaged in invading each others personal space.

After the mumbles, giggles and juicy weird noses had died down he brought his gaze down from the cracks that resembled the Canals of Mars.

"Leonard, it's just occurred to me that you may be short of funds to purchase suitable jewelry - hence the use of office supplies - "

"That's very generous of you Sheldon, but I'm good." he answered. Penny was still resting her head on Leonard's shoulder, nuzzling.

"Yeah, this is so's we can show our commitment right now, before we go to the store." she said, gently rubbing Leonard's 'ring' with her thumb.

"Well, you are up before nine, I'd say that shows a good deal of commitment even without the paperclips. Now if you two are all done I need to count your rejects, write a new quantity on that carton and then have my breakfast."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**I own nothing in respect of TBBT**

"Okay Sheldon, now we're gonna be here a while - "

"Penny, I told you that as long as I don't need to transact business I find State and Federal offices ideal places to relax. The sound of rubber stamp on paper, the hum of the copier, the smell of ozone from the terminals, social interaction taking place within defined limits - I tell you, they should consider opening these places as vacation spots."

Sheldon finally found a chair that met the criteria regarding sun glare, draughts etc. "Honestly, I can feel my cares just drifting away."

"Well ... long as you're enjoying yourself."

Penny went back to where Leonard was waiting. "Sheldon okay?"

"Yeah, he's cool. And I bought Green Lantern and your Gameboy with Tetris loaded just in case."

Leonard ummed. "Maybe we should have brought Donkey Kong. Sheldon goes through Tetris in about five minutes - "

"Leonard, this isn't Sheldon's day out - remember?"

They both shared a look and then turned to the form on the counter. "You want to flip a coin?"

"Nope, I asked you, so I get to go first." snickered Penny, reaching for the pen and beginning to fill in the 'Person A' section. Tongue-tip protruding like always she carefully block-printed -

_MULDER, PENELOPE ANNE, _her address and D.O.B - _11/29/1985 _and finally her parents details.

Leonard smiled, remembering when Penny had told him her last name_._

"_Mulder? Seriously?__"_

"_Yeah, seriously - what__'__s the big deal?__"_

"_The X-Files! Agent Fox Mulder!__"_

"_Sweetie, that Chinese I stuck in my 'fridgerator and forgot 'bout is nearest I've been to an alien life form - okay? Now calm down - sheesh, good job my names not Organa - __"_

Penny slid the form back across, "Okay Person B, your turn." and being Penny managing to get in a quick hand squeeze.

_HOFSTADTER_, _LEONARD LEAKEY, _address as above, D.O.B _04/29/1980_. Leonard gave his mother's address in New Jersey. His parents had divorced (_nice of you to tell me mom) _and he had no idea which people in what part of the globe his father was currently studying.

"Okay, that's done. You - "

"Gottit right here sweetie." she said, handing him a plastic document sleeve which Sheldon had given them earlier, "_I know how much Leonard perspires in moments of emotion - this is so the clerk receives a legible document and not a ball of pulp drenched in lactate, urea and minerals.__"_

Sheldon was running through his Nobel acceptance, _"__In closing it__'__s customary to thank those who have been of aided ones contribution to science. This however will not be necessary as the whole is of course my own un-aided work - __"_

"Hey, Death Star calling Grand Moff Sheldon - "

"Is that it? Do we have to go now?"

"Not yet buddy, there's an hour wait." said Leonard, sitting down with Penny and linking hands.

Sheldon barely registered when they got called up - he was composing some (not too) effusive footnotes for _'__You__'__re Welcome Mankind_' - when they came back, Penny carefully tucking the envelope into her bag between her snowflake and the spare inhaler she always carried.

"You know, I could marry you both as soon as we get home - you'd be permanently pair-bonded in time to watch The Mentalist. "

"That's real sweet of you Sheldon, but we're gonna wait 'till everyone can make it - "

"Well, if you change your minds Mrs. Gunderson's available as a witness. I heard her telling the building manager yesterday that she's been starved of entertainment since her cable went out - "

"Sheldon, it's fine. Honestly. Anyhow, you need time to practice - "

"Practice? Leonard, you know I speak Klingon flawlessly. In fact I think it would be an idea if you both had the basics - "

"Sheldon, I speak Klingon too - "

" - and I barfed up that chicken dumpling last time I tried. "

"Leonard, you have at best conversational Klingon, and Penny, you have insufficient control of your glottis. No, I think if you both had some knowledge the spoken word you'd really be able to appreciate my speech - it'll make you cry."

Penny dug Leonard's ribs as they headed for the elevator. "I thought you were fluent in this stuff?"

"W-e-e-lll, I get by. I mean if we were going to Qo'noS I could get us a hotel room, make a dinner reservation, that kind of thing."

"Didn't that place blow up? Nice honeymoon pick sweetie - "

"That was Praxis - Qo'noS just has extremes of weather."

"Well, last time I talked to mom she said it was seventy-two degrees - you want me to call again and ask if we can honeymoon with them?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I own nothing in respect of TBBT

_"Twinkle, twinkle, my Death Star, it's amazing how deadly you are, a huge sphere in the black of space, exterminating the Rebel base - " _sang Sheldon as he added another section to his Lego creation. A sigh broke into his mood.

"Leonard, that is the third heartfelt exhalation in as many minutes - are you still agonizing over that needless epistle?"

"It's not needless, it's an expression - " Sheldon cut him off. "It _is _needless, a civil ceremony does not require vows, merely a pronouncement by the minister of marriage and some paperwork. Elapsed time, five minutes - and I've allowed for my speech in Klingon there too - "

"You know Howard, Bernadette, Amy and Raj have a speech too right?"

"Yes, but I'm sure theirs will be less entertaining - mine will make you cry."

"I'm sure it will." muttered Leonard, returning to his laptop. Three seconds later -

"Oh for pity's sake! Under the terms of the Friendship Agreement a friend in distress is entitled to either a hot beverage."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Or advice."

"Can I have a hot beverage?" Leonard asked hopefully. "I think cocoa would really hit the spot - "

"Too late mister, that ship's sailed. Now let's examine the nature of your problem - "

"It's not a problem - I'm just not finding the right words."

"We have," Sheldon indicated the apartment in general, "a large body of romantic material in DVD or book form: Jake and Neytiri, Ron and Hermione, Zoe and Hoban Washburne - not forgetting of course Han and Leia."

"And Delenn and Sheridan, Spock and Uhura " put in Leonard. Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Leonard, I'm trying to be serious and you drop Babylon 5 into the conversation - plus you know we do not mention _that_ pairing from _those_ movies. Surely you can find inspiration - or just rip something off - from what I've suggested."

"Sheldon, I'm not using a movie quote, this needs to come from the heart. Besides, when it comes to movies or printed romance it's Penny has the eidetic memory."

"Hmm - I see. Well, let me take a look - "

"I dunno Sheldon ..." muttered Leonard, but Sheldon was already reading it off.

'_I __want everyone here to know__'__...__'_That's it? The fruit of two hours work? Good job I stepped in seeing as theres only two weeks to go."

Leonard was defensive. "I told you it was hard, telling everyone - " 

Sheldon interrupted. "See, that's where your going wrong. You're not talking to us - it's a wedding, everyone's eyes will be on Penny's dress. Frankly you could be up there reciting your grocery list for all the attention anyone will be paying ." He fetched a Catwoman figurine down from the shelf.

"Imagine that's Penny, just say to her what you think. "

"I dunno, I always think of Penny more as Leia - feisty and sassy." said Leonard dreamily. Sheldon sighed. "I don't have Leia in my collection Leonard. Here - " he left the room, returning a moment later with another collectible.

"You want me to practice with Raggedy Anne?" Leonard was puzzled, "How'd you even get this?"

"Amy gave it to me as a memento of our attending Stuart's Halloween party." said Sheldon fondly, before snapping back to the moment. "Anyway, it's either this or the rather androgynous ward of Bruce Wayne I purchased from the Far East."

"Well, your Taiwanese Robin doesn't really work for me, I'll go with Anne here."

"Good choice, and regarding your vows, I wouldn't reference 'smart and beautiful babies'. Penny may have differing views on the desirability of reproducing with you - "

"Sheldon, we talked about kids, they're a little way off yet." Leonard turned and faced the doll. His brow creased in thought as he leant forward and took the dolls hands in his.

"Penny ... you've been my girlfriend, my fiancé and in a few moments you'll be my wife ... but one thing you've always been is my best friend."

Sheldon cocked his head to one side, thinking. "That was pretty lame. Wouldn't 'you are, and shall always be, my friend' be better?"

Penny giggled as she climbed the stairs. She didn't need Vulcan hearing to hear the noise coming from 4A. Her Stallion and his Giraffe buddy were at it again.

"_Sheldon! Its not lame and besides, I said no movie quotes!__"_

"_But it__'__s an expression of friendship! And has Penny ever seen Wrath of Khan? And by seen I mean stayed awake through?__"_

"_Well, not exactly all of it, but Spock__'__s dying there! This is supposed to be a happy occasion!__"_

_"Which would be even happier if you had a sundae bar!"_

_"Sundae bar? How did we get from the death of Spock to a sundae bar?"_

_"Leonard - "_

_"Sheldon - "_

Penny smiled as she let herself into 4B. She'd guessed what they were yelling about. She'd already written hers.

_"Leonard, I'm marrying the kindest, sweetest man, but much more than that I'm marrying my best friend, who always has and always will be there for me."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I own nothing in respect of TBBT.

Sheldon might contend that anything capable of waking Penny up before nine belonged to the military, but she could manage it herself when she had to. Especially when it involved the man asleep next to her.

Leonard's nose detected the aroma of coffee, and when he opened his eyes a very blurry mug was offered him. "Thanks hon ... umm, what time is it?"

"Little after eight."

"Middle of the night then," said Leonard rolling over as if to go back to sleep.

"Oh no you don't Hofstadter."

"Excuse me, that's Doctor Hofstadter to you." came from under the covers. Penny didn't reply, just started to pull them down the bed. Leonard skittered down with them but eventually he ran out of mattress.

"There he is, there's my little homunculus!" crowed Penny. His 'don't call me that' got lost in her enthusiastic good morning kiss.

"So why are we up early this fine Pasadena Saturday?" asked Leonard as they sipped their coffee in the re-assembled bed. "I'm taking you shopping." Penny said. Leonard stiffened, he knew where this was going.

"But Uncle Floyd gave me that when I turned eighteen! It's unique!" he protested.

"Yeah, 'cos they fired everybody and shut the plant when they saw what they'd done." Penny's eyes softened, "Look, I know it's special sweetie and I'm not gonna make you toss it out okay? It's just I like it when you look nice."

Leonard put his arm around her and their left hands linked, wedding rings rubbing together. "Well, okay then, you can get me a new robe."

Penny laughed. "What's so funny?" he queried.

"We just missed another chance to have our first married fight!" she giggled. "That's ninety-eight days, thirteen hours and - "

" - twenty-eight minutes, without arguing." finished Leonard. He twisted round to face her, "Okay, who are you and what have you done with my wife?"

"Hey, Leonard Hofstadter - if that's who you really are!" she whooped, giving Leonard noogies while demanding "Show me the tentacles! C'mon, I know you got 'em!"

Penny normally didn't mind Leonard's devotion to Sci-Fi; it was part of who he was, the man she loved, but it could make shopping for clothes a little awkward. Back in the day he'd tended to select his wardrobe from whatever was on special at the comic book store. Penny had worked hard to convince him that formal wear didn't include Mr. Spock socks and a Chewbacca necktie.

"Okay, how about these?" he said, holding up two robes. Penny quirked an eyebrow. "Umm ... I'm seeing a pattern here. That's Obi-Wan," she said pointing at the white, "and I'm guessing that's Yoda - pretty yucky green there."

"Wow, you're good." Leonard fetched another, black with a design in silver. "Spock's burial robe? Or is that what Darth Vader wears when he's off duty, kicking back with a coupla cold ones."

They exchanged grins. Penny was more than beautiful, she was funny - which was a big part of why Leonard loved her.

"Hold up the black one again," she asked. "Okay sweetie, just slip it on ... uh, without the hoodie would be good - "

After twitching it some to look a little more flattering Penny circled him twice, eyes narrowed, considering. She stopped in front him and smiled. "You like it?" he said hopefully.

"Robe in that totally hot are you." she told him.

"So, what're we doing the rest of the morning?" he asked as Penny swiped her card. "I wanna go to Target - just to look!" she said catching his alarmed expression, "I didn't drag you out for a shoe shop marathon. Then I'm gonna see if I can get any more of your Star Wars conditioner - ones that don't look as if the Jawas out back've been using them for ball practice. Then how 'bout we do lunch?"

"Quiznos or Arby's?"

"Hmmm, I'm in an Arby's mood. 'Sides, I'm sure that's Sheldon working the lunch shift." she said, looking cross to the food court. Leonard laughed. "Hon, what would Sheldon be doing working in Arby's?"

Penny shrugged. "I dunno, maybe his superbrain's gotten stuck again."

Leonard took her hand as they walked towards the exit. "Penny, right this minute Sheldon's at one of Amy's neuroscience symposiums clutching a handful of barf bags, for when the 'icky squishy' stuff appears on PowerPoint."

"Aww, it's sweet how supportive he is, spending the entire weekend throwing up for her."


End file.
